


sharing a dream with someone

by halfpace



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Epiphanies, Gen, Head Shaving, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Trans Male Character, Trans Suguro "Bon" Ryuuji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 18:59:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20363482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfpace/pseuds/halfpace
Summary: Ryuuji feels like he's falling. He's falling and he doesn't know when he's gonna land. He doesn't even knowwherehe's gonna land, but when he does, he hits the ground with a hard thud.Then he realizes he'd grown wings in the meantime, but he doesn't know how to use them.AKA, in the midst of a breakdown, Ryuuji shaves his hair off.





	sharing a dream with someone

Suguro "Bon" Ryuuji's never had a crisis like this in his life. He feels like he's  _ stuck, _ he doesn't know what to do.

He thinks about it too much. After those days with Lightning and Okumura where he emotionally spilled his guts out about  _ his ambition, his motive, the fact that everyone's going off their own paths so what the hell is he gonna do now, _ he goes back to his dorm and  _ keeps _ thinking about it.

The stuff with Lightning is  _ new _ to him. He's never really had anyone be above him for his entire life besides his own dad. He wants to learn from Lightning, he really does.

He tries to do his homework on his bed but while he does he's uneasy. Unfocused. Fidgety.

That's not really  _ like _ him.

He gets up and grabs a t-shirt and gym shorts from his drawer. He goes to the bathroom and the first thing he does after locking the door is nearly throw his shirt off and pull off his binder, nearly getting stuck in the thing. Then he pulls on the other shirt, then starts taking off all his piercings one by one.

While changing into his shorts, he stares at the mirror cabinet. He pulls his shorts up and opens it up even though he knows full well what's in there. Extra toothpaste and toothbrushes, a couple of painkiller bottles, Shima's stupid ass Axe body spray, Ryuuji's and Koneko's respective bottles of Old Spice body spray and hair clippers.

Ryuuji stares at the hair clippers.

It's been a while since he last re-bleached his roots.

The whole reason he got that hairstyle anyway was because… he wanted a fresh start. He wanted to let go of his middle school self for more reasons than one. It was a new stage of his life, he had a goal to reach; that was to defeat Satan so he could restore the Myoudha and convince people that the temple wasn't a bad place anymore.  _ (And he was a trans, punk teenager staying away from his parents.) _

However, his plan to reach his goal was backfiring.

It was taking him too long to reach it. Everyone was starting to go and do their own things. Nobody was really sticking around to see him do it and  _ this wasn't how it was supposed to go. _

Now he doesn't know what to do. He still wants to be an exorcist, but he doesn't know what his ambition is anymore. That meant the meaning behind his trademark hairstyle was getting lost in translation.

It also didn't help that he'd recently realized he had a crush on Okumura Rin.

The same Okumura that was the son of Satan. The same Okumura that he was mad at not because of that reason, but because Ryuuji thought the half-demon was his friend and was hurt that he didn't trust him enough to tell him something like that, even after trying to ingrain it into his head.

The same Okumura who defeated the Impure King, who got excited about going to Kyoto Tower, who is overly cheerful despite having had an execution date held over his head multiple times, who is really good at cooking. The same Okumura whose eyes are an ocean, and Ryuuji looks at them so often that hey, maybe he wouldn't mind drowning.

It's a Friday evening in the late fall. Suguro "Bon" Ryuuji is standing in his dorm room's bathroom, in front of the sink and staring at the mirror cabinet.

He grabs spare towels and uses one to cover the sink, and a couple few others he puts on the floor and stands on. Then he grabs the hair clippers, connects them to the outlet in the wall and brings them to his head.

He turns them on and goes to town.

He starts from the back of his head; a lot of hair falls at a time, both on the towels on the floor and the sink. Then he goes over the same spot again, and again, and again. And he does so until he feels he's got a decent amount of hair off of his head and goes to the top. It's messy but he manages to get all the bleached hair off, too.

He doesn't know what he's  _ doing. _ This was completely on impulse and he feels like he's losing his  _ mind _ but it's whatever at this point. He's just going with it.

Doesn't matter.

He wonders how Oku- everyone would react when they saw him like this.

**Author's Note:**

> i was supposed to post this yesterday (but forgot) for day 22 of [aoex lgbt month](https://aoexgaymonth.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, tropes!
> 
> as for the trope in question.. ive never seen naruto but remember when sakura cut her hair off? yeah.  
i have literally NEVER seen a depiction of this for ryuuji and its such a shame. if katou kant write it then i fucking will.
> 
> my tumblr is [@bonsrin](https://bonsrin.tumblr.com/)!


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